Steven Maldonado, the Jolly Destroyer.

I've never had a problem coming up with my own pseudonyms*, but I can always use more. This site will provide you with a vaguely Wu-Tangian moniker, as well as a more pedestrian one for use with club card forms, etc.

*Circa 1985 I was, from time to time, Professor Waffle, Jean Bordeaux, Alphonse Gorlay, and Warren Pyecraft. Only the last one stuck into adolescence. In my high school years I became Willis M. Pickford for a while. Willis applied to the U.S. Navy and very nearly got accepted. The fact that he was black, a basketball player, a devout Presbyterian, a fervid patriot, and a 4.0 student with a passion for biochemistry probably had something to do with their eagerness to take him on, although his flagrantly self-contradictory responses to the 200-question psychological profile may have caused some concern. At any rate, Willis ceased to exist once I started getting letters asking me to set up an interview. As a wise old hippie told me at the time: "Fucking with the armed forces is not a smart idea." He was right.

And then there's my latest incarnation, which is apparently Rob Zombie after a long night of tequila:

I am Hastur! The Unspeakable One is the master of those who seek to unveil the mysteries of death. It is through meditation upon the Yellow Sign that the devotee of Hastur seeks transcendence to the city-realm of dim Carcosa. Through a complex series of visualizations that expand the aspirants' void-consciousness, the final age will arise. Ruled by the ominous King in Yellow, a new stage of reality will come to fruition. Of the Old Ones, Hastur is considered to be one of the most difficult to work with, his teachings being reserved exclusively for the Cthonian Adepts and Lords.

Which Great Old One are you?