Location: St. Vincent & Grenadines

You were driving home in the dark on one glass-slippered heel, window sliced open and bathing in the snowliquor of the night air. We heard you singing, and couldn't bear to wake you.

05 January 2006

Just as permanent as painting in the iron age.

And now, the epitome of lazy blogging. Here comes lazy blogging that took real work to accomplish. Serious, long-term work. Yet lazy: so very, very lazy.

I'm talking about the carbuncular excrescence of my obsessive-compulsive ritual in re movies. I'm talking about the list of every movie I've ever seen in my life, which I've just updated for the new year. I'm talking about the 2005 movie roundup.

Last year I watched a total of 152 movies, which means that I was watching a movie an average of four out of every ten days. If we calculate the average length of a movie to be two hours (perhaps a bit generous, but I saw my share of epics), then I spent the equivalent of roughly twelve and a half days of round-the-clock movie-watching. I guess that doesn't sound so impressive. Oh well. I do have the ragged vestiges of a life, after all. But it's a life with plenty of room in it for the cinema.

I'm too busy watching movies to go into great detail about what I thought of them, but I did take time to rate what I saw on a scale of five stars (classic) to half a star (utterly putrid). I've added links on the left-hand side to my lists of films I saw in the theater and films I saw on video, organized by rating and alphabetically. But for those who want the highlights, herewith I present my overall top ten in both categories.

[Be advised that the timeline of these lists is reflective solely of my personal experience; many of the movies in my video list were shown in theaters in 2005, but I didn't get around to seeing them there. Likewise, some of the movies in my theater list were shown in 2004 as well as 2005. Like you care about that, or any of this. Wank, wank, wiggedy wiggedy wank. Here we go.]

Top Ten Movies I Saw In Theaters Last Year, In Descending Order:

Batman Begins
Kung Fu Hustle
Howl's Moving Castle
The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
Corpse Bride

Top Ten Movies I Saw On Video Last Year, In Descending Order:

Me and You and Everyone We Know
The Barbarian Invasions
In the Heat of the Night
The Machinist
My Life as a Dog
Maria Full of Grace
The Wild Bunch
Lawrence of Arabia
La Dolce Vita

Worst Movie I Saw In Theaters:

Wedding Crashers

Worst Movie I Saw On Video:

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with a bunch of your picks - I will have to go get some that I haven't seen! But I can't believe that Murderball isn't on your list! It's one of my top three of the past year! And I know you're probably blogged out but this is an interesting blog if you have time for another one to see the pics and that you are doing well. - Elyzabeth

6:52 AM  
Anonymous Frederika said...

What the heck? Why in the world did you rent a movie entitled, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians"???? Okay, to be totally honest, I just HAVE TO SEE THAT MOVIE!!! What a ludicrous title. It's unbelievable. Where do I get it?

I kind of liked Wedding Crashers. Must Love Dogs was much worse. Me liking Wedding Crashers may have something to do with the fact that I went to Wriggley Field and saw a baseball game one day, and I sort of ran into Vince Vaugn there, and he was much hotter in person than he ever seems in the movies... and he smiled at me. Jennifer Anniston can kiss my pearly white ass! Clearly, Vince loves me.

4:17 PM  
Blogger Felix Helix said...

Lyz: I haven't, but very much want to, see "Murderball". Told you this was a subjective list.

Fred: to be quite honest, what I saw was the Mystery Science Theater 3000 presentation of "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians". I'd say the likelihood of being able to find the original unadulterated movie is quite slim, and with good reason. It' bad. Oh my lard.

I like Owen Wilson quite a bit even though he plays exactly the same character in every movie; the same could be said of Dustin Hoffman, and he's not nearly as funny. Vince Vaughn tries too damned hard. "Wedding Crashers" sucked because it was all premise and no actual comedy, kind of like "Bubba Ho-Tep".

And if there's a lineup to kiss your pearly white ass, Jennifer Anuston will have to wait her turn.

4:39 PM  
Blogger Wesley said...

Sideways sucks. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is genius.

5:37 PM  
Anonymous Fred said...

Wess, you rock. Totally.

7:27 PM  

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